one is a statement. two is a pattern. three is a lifestyle.
A scented display object engineered for double-takes, questionable conversations, and dramatically improved shelf presence.
Not a sex toy. Not for internal use.
This product is designed solely as a novelty display object and ambient fragrance product. It has not been designed, manufactured, or tested for bodily insertion, genital contact, oral contact, or contact with mucous membranes.
It may possess extremely confident geometry. That does not constitute permission.
THE SCENT
not your basement. a specific one. the water heater made a sound it shouldn't have. the carpet was doing something unnatural with color. you went down there once and came back different. we've had it on file since 1999. we bottled it.
WHAT YOU'RE ACTUALLY GETTING
✺ SCENT PROFILE ✺
ACTUAL FRAGRANCE: Clean Linen
TOP NOTES
✱fresh linen you didn't hang
✱sunshine through someone else's window
MID NOTES
✱dryer sheet optimism
✱fabric softener for a house you no longer visit
BASE NOTES
✱clean cotton in a memory you can't explain
✱the quiet realization that it smells nothing like a basement
* scent notes are olfactory approximations. our lawyers have strong feelings about the word "accurate."
MORE PROBLEMS INCOMING
it's open. it's a real problem now. drop your email and we'll tell you when it gets worse.
Batch 001 is open. Hear about new smells, restocks, and Gary & Steve's ongoing situation before everyone else. About one email a month.
* purchase necessary, unfortunately. joining the email list means we know who you are. pricing, availability, and the nature of our outstanding decisions are all subject to change. your email is safe. we are not a serious company but we take data seriously. probably.
